With the General Synod of the Church of England debating the blessings of same-sex sexual relationships this week, we might find ourselves being asked what we think about it – whether we ourselves are Anglicans or not.
When asked a potentially controversial question Jesus asks a clarifying one in return, finds some common ground, and then goes on to share his answer in a targeted way.
When asked questions about gay sex and marriage, I’m trying to train myself to resist downloading my attempt at a winsome answer and instead respond by gently asking a question back. It’s a pastoral response I’ve learnt from Jesus – remember his initial conversation with the expert in the law that ends with him telling the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10? When asked a potentially controversial question Jesus asks a clarifying one in return, finds some common ground, and then goes on to share his answer in a targeted way. Real communication is the result.
So, to demonstrate, when I’m asked about whether I agree with gay marriage I now try and respond by asking 'What do you think marriage is all about?' This usually begins a conversation in which we can find some common ground around love, commitment, and faithfulness. This then allows me to explain that, in a Christian understanding, marriage is not just two people who love each other, wanting to express that publicly and permanently, instead it’s a trailer for where the world is heading: to the union in difference of Christ, God’s Son, and the Church, God’s people.1
This both gives me a chance to talk about their future with them, and helps them begin to grasp why sex difference in a marriage is so important from a Christian point of view. We might not walk away agreeing, but I have been able to share Jesus, both in what I’ve said and, hopefully, in the way I’ve said it. Real communication has taken place, by following the example of Jesus, the great communicator.
- For a short introduction to the thinking behind this see our animation, 'Marriage as a Trailer'. For a longer explanation see my article, 'What is Sexuality For?'
