Confidence breeds confidence in others. And likewise, a lack of confidence can breed a lack of confidence in others. Think of if someone encourages you to do something that seems a bit risky. If they deliver their encouragement confidently, it’s reassuring and gives you confidence to act on that encouragement. But if you can hear fear and hesitation in their voice, it’s less reassuring and you’re likely to absorb some of their doubt. Confidence breeds confidence. A lack of confidence breeds a lack of confidence.
And this is why we, as same-sex attracted Christians, need other Christians who are not same-sex attracted to be confident in the truth and goodness of what the Bible says about sex and sexuality.
It’s my observation that those of us who are same-sex attracted usually have to develop confidence in what the Bible says. We can’t avoid the difficult questions of what sex and marriage are for and whether same-sex sexual relationships are acceptable to God. We have no choice but to ask those questions, to wrestle with them, and to reach some answers. We have to have answers to know how to live. Being unsure for any significant length of time isn’t really an option for us. We can’t park these questions for later or choose not to nail our colours to the mast.
The same isn’t true for those who aren’t same-sex attracted. It’s quite possible for Christians who are opposite-sex attracted to be aware of the questions around sex and sexuality, even to think about them a bit, but not reach a firm and confident position. Perhaps this even makes life easier – it might feel hard to think that God might deny some people the sort of happy relationship we are experiencing, and when non-Christian friends quiz us about God’s view of gay people, it might be easier not to have a confident hard-line perspective.
When following Jesus as a same-sex attracted Christian is hard, I need others around me who are confident in what the Bible teaches.
But this makes things difficult for those of us seeking to walk the costly path of faithfulness to Jesus in the midst of same-sex attraction. One of the things I find hardest is when I get the sense that my Christian friends aren’t willing to reach a settled decision on what God says about same-sex sexual relationships. When friends who hold otherwise orthodox Christian beliefs seem to be unwilling to be confident in the Bible’s teaching in this one area, it can be frustrating at best and unsettling at worst. When following Jesus as a same-sex attracted Christian is hard, I need others around me who are confident in what the Bible teaches. I don’t need people who won’t quite commit and might sow seeds of doubt for me. Confidence breeds confidence. When life’s feeling tough, I need your confidence to help me be confident.
So, if you’re a church leader, do the work to reach your conclusions and to be confident in what the Bible teaches. We need you to believe and express that the Bible’s teaching on sex and relationships is good news so that when we are struggling to believe it is, your confidence can help us.
And if you’re a friend of a same-sex attracted Christian, do the work to reach your conclusions and to be confident in what the Bible teaches. Hold to it with grace, helping us to apply the gospel to ourselves when we make mistakes. Communicate it with love, always from a place of wanting what is best for us, but be confident in it.
And even if you’re not a leader or don’t have any same-sex attracted friends, do the work to reach your conclusions and to be confident in what the Bible says. When you do, you’re in a better position to love and support any same-sex attracted Christians whom God brings across your path.
If you want to become more confident in what God says about sexuality, take a look at the resources for our explore question, 'What does God really say?'
